MARRIAGE AND THAT LITTLE BIT OF PAPER

Last month was my Wedding Anniversary and I have now been married for two years.

As a kid / teenager I never, like a lot of my friends did, had the idea of their perfect wedding their husband and the number of children and names picked out in their head. As I got older, the whole idea of being centre of attention in a dress also freaked me out along with the whole spend the rest of your life with someone. Who could put up with me for that long I couldn’t put up with me for that long!

 So when me and my husband met AGAIN and started dating, he was to be honest a surprise (read my earlier blog on how we met). When he told me he had been married before and didn’t think he would want to get married again, at the time I thought fine with me! Pressure off as I’d never really thought about it seriously before. We moved in together as you do, just without that “bit of paper”.

Don’t get me wrong if we had never got married I’d still be with him because I love him to bits and even though I always thought getting married was about a bit of paper, for me it’s not! It is so much more. A shrink would probably have a great time rummaging around in my head LOL.

I think I’m happier now than I’ve ever been and I can’t explain why, I don’t know if it’s because I’m more traditional than I thought. The only pain in the ass in being traditional is I wanted to take my husband’s name, which was important to me (even though I kept my maiden name at work). Having to tell everyone you’ve changed your name is a nightmare because the list seems endless just when you think you’ve told everyone, you find one more company that needs to be informed.

I did feel a little guilty about giving up my maiden name even though my husband said it was up to me what name I used, I just thought I’ve had the name 40 years! The teenage me, in my head was saying “Mrs Pankhurst and women like her went through hell so I could vote, and women have been fighting for equal rights should I shouldn’t I change my name - but at the end of the day they were fighting for my right to choose. So I did!

I have also found that people’s perceptions change, especially men. Although I come from long line of kick ass women I have learnt when to play the game. For example I have found pulling the “husband” card has more impact than when I used to pull the “partner / boyfriend” card not sure why. Like when I told my old boss “no my husband said you can have me at the over office for one week not two” he backed down.

Like everyone my husband has his faults as do I, but he is still perfect for me and that’s probably because he knows me so well and knows how to handle me. Because even though I try to hide it, hubs knows when I’m stressed, tired, feeling down or need to talk. He calls me if he gets time at work to check if I’m OK during the day because he knows I’ve been under a lot of stress. He supports me in everything I do, be it wanting to write or start a craft business. He knows when he has to sit me down and say ok are you are doing too much or my favourite you are letting this thing at work get to you why!

Whatever your views are on marriage I’m glad we waited and I’m glad we finally got married, I would say I have changed, not much but enough and I’m happier and more content than I was which sounds weird as I’m not even sure why? As I said earlier a shrink would have a field day with me J